Quick update and live in Queensland.

Hello everyone,

It has been a long while since I last blogged. I have sidetracked from my initial career goal which is to pursue a residency in veterinary pathology to the world of drugs instead. So many things have happened, and I recently moved up to Queensland to undertake an Honours project investigating topical pain-killers for cattle that would provide systemic effects i.e. something like fentanyl patches for cows. As long as I don't muck it up, I would be continuing the project as a PhD. It is a part of a project funded by a drug company and the Australian beef industry body, which is great to hear that they are taking an initiative step towards pain management of livestock.

In Australia, important husbandry procedures such as dehorning and castration are performed by non-veterinarians personnel, and analgesia or anaesthesia is often not provided to the animal. Whilst the animal is still under a certain age, there is no legal requirement to address the pain caused by the procedures. The methods of performing surgical husbandry procedures and the lack thereof analgesia remain controversial, and raise overwhelming responses from the general public. By the end of 2018, I do hope that my hardwork would pay off and he result of my research would contribute to bettering animal welfare and advancing the knowledge of the scientific community. I would then gain another nerdy title and become Dr. Dr.

The first guy from Jack'd and Melbourne

I had been doubting whether I should do a post like this. Perhaps, trying something new wouldn't hurt. Several weeks ago, my housemate C mentioned Jack'd to me and recommended downloading it. Then soon after, I was chatting to a guy (who turned out to be called C) about life and animals. He invited me for a coffee then it turned out we both got more than just coffee and soon we found ourselves cuddling in bed.

Crucial daily diet

Cuddling is so blissful and it is a great way to recover after some strenuous activities. Often enough I had good conversations and find out more about the person while cuddling. C talked about how he is originally from New South Wales and moved to Melbourne for work several years ago but ended up living here ever since. Melbourne is ranked quite highly again this year in term of livability. The city has a strong coffee culture and cycling community which are a match in heaven for me as a caffeinated cyclist enthusiast. When I think about that, it is definitely one of the cities I would settle down. But sadly everything in Australia is so far away and it takes a long time to travel to other parts of the world.

Self challenges

It is one of my good habits that I would try something new to challenge myself every year. This year challenges include hot yoga and couchsurfing. My mom has always been into yoga and she taught me and my sister to do it as well. At first, we both were rather skeptical. Glaring at her doing those yoga postures, I couldn't help wondering if it would be physically engaging at all. What a wimp and girly exercise. It turned out my sister and I were quite wrong, and we really enjoyed it. My shoulder pain from sitting down in front of a computer went away gradually after I started practising yoga. Then I stepped it up and tried hot yoga. It was both physically and mentally challenging that I almost fainted in my first class. Certainly, I have come a long way from that and it does really helps getting my body toned for the upcoming Australian summer!

Stretch and keep smiling (and sweating) :)

Let's surf

Recently, I had a road trip to Canberra en route to Sydney. The initial plan was that I would be staying with my old high school mate but it turned out that he couldn't host me. Couchsurfing suddenly came to my mind since I didn't want to stay in a hotel and would like a local to point me around. After searching on a couchsurfing web, there was a interesting profile of a female student and she had a number of good references from people who stayed at hers. We met in front of her place which was house shared between five other people, including her boyfriend and a cat. It was a great experience meeting new people in a total unfamiliar environment. I ended up staying with her again on my way back to Melbourne. We had great conversations over drinks about her sexuality, namely intersex, her open relationship with her current boyfriend, me being gay and how her friend's gaydar detected me etc. Sometimes, good friendships are built over some alcohol and pots. C'est la vie!

Next step?

I am back in Melbourne and it is great to be back though I struggled to cope with the weather at first. One thing that I miss dearly was the coffee culture. Yes, I am a coffee addict/snob. Nothing is better than cycling around for a decent cup of coffee. I think I actually owe my degree to coffee. If I didn't study to be a vet, I might have been a barista. Haha.

It sums up how I function.

Another thing is that I got into a master program at Edinburgh. So unless anything better pop up before the middle of 2014, I will be heading to Scotland!

Love is All You Need?

I am getting ready to travel back to Melbourne and I will just land back in time for the Melbourne International Film Festival 2013. The films shown on the festival are usually pretty weird and artsy in a good way. Somehow while I was browsing around, I stumbled across this interesting short film which is rather though provoking (well, for me at least). The film is a few years old and it is not MIFF though.

The film is called Love is All You Need? I couldn't help thinking that it would be quite nice if the world was actually like the film - GLBT being the 'normal' and the majority.

How one should live one's live?

I stumbled across this picture ages ago (and I can't recall where I found it). At that time, I was struggling through my veterinary course and I was quite lost. The message on the picture gave me courage and I would probably need that courage again when I start a job hunt. I have been travelling around and been really busy. Hopefully once I get a job and settle in, I will have more time to post regularly.

Yes, I have done the travel often part. I think I need to stop over analysing.

I'm not the only gay person in my family?!?

Nowadays, our mobile phone holds so much information about ourselves. Just checking the photo albums - they will speak thousands words about who we are and what we do. There are some rather private photos that would even provide too much information. Apart from that glancing through the search history provides clues of our personal interests. I can still be a tad more careful about these sort of information on my phone but sometimes it is a bother trying to cover all the traces. However, the thought of confidential stuff slipping through scares me. That is why I take precautions when passing my iPhone to anyone whether sharing a photo of food I devoured or a photo of a hot guy cuddling a kitten in bed though I am generally less concerned with my friends who know that I'm gay.

In Asia, talking about sex is a taboo so let alone talking to sexuality and being gay. Fortunately, it is becoming a lot more accepting in Thailand (after all, Thailand is considered a paradise for gay). People can be quite oblivious about this too so they never notice anything and my mum snuggles this group. The concepts of family structure between Western and Eastern cultures differ in a interesting way. Asians tend to be very family oriented  and usually include extended family members as our family too i.e. aunt, uncle, cousin etc. Recently I had just a little family lunch out - there were my mum, little cousin, uncle A (my mum's brother), uncle's friend P and me. A few pieces of fact about my uncle A and P - A has known P for more than 20 years and they met while working in a bank. So P is pretty much seen as part of the family and everyone in my family adores him. 

I hate stereotypes but they exist to categorise people and they work well at times. It is bad to generalise based on stereotypes but I often use them as a frame work of mind to build more information upon. I can say that A and P fit too many gay stereotypes. A and P have shared many important moments of life and spend a lot of time together. They bought an apartment next to each other and bought a house together. They are still single. Their sense of fashion, design, sensibility, manner, attitude towards life, open mindedness, wealth and love to travel surpass that of the straights.

What do the searches say about me?

I had always suspected A and P for ages but never really have a proof to confirm. Until on our way back to Bangkok after a delightful lunch, I was trying to search a famous kitchen showroom but I don't have internet on my phone. P was driving and told me that I could use his phone. However, I noticed a brief moment of hesitation before he passed his phone to me. It was that moment I realise there must be something private in his phone that he didn't want me to see. I was determined not to peek into his privacy so I just tapped into Safari and started keying on the search engine. Then the search history fanned out and there was a search phrase that caught my eyes "japan gay porn". That phrase only raises a lot of probabilities and questions. Now it is time to ponder - what is the chance of someone else using P's phone? It is extremely unlikely since P rarely lets anyone use his phone. Who else know the password to access P's phone? My uncle A and he often plays games on P's phone! What can I conclude? The person who typed the search phrase is probably either A or P. Even though what I found is not a concrete piece of evidence, it is the missing piece of jigsaw and everything makes sense.

Now should I tell them about my sexuality? Not yet, there is a few things I need to do before that but I talk to them before telling my mum. Another heart warming piece of fact is that my mum is quite close to my uncle A and is very fond of P.

Ex-Boyfriend D

So many things have happened in a blink of an eye. Boyfriend D and I are no longer together. It turned out that he is struggling with his sexuality and faith. While we were together, he kept everything to himself and it ate him away. He now believes that God will change him and turn him straight.  He decided that we should cut all the contact. Well, I have accepted that it is something beyond my control and he is gone. Moving On 101 begins, I guess.

Time will pass and the pain will go away someday

I guess if I ever refer to him again, it would be ex-Boyfriend D.

Happy Valentine's Day

I am back in Thailand for a long holiday at home and hopefully I will have more free time to blog more regular from now on.

Our 1 year anniversary was just a few weeks ago and somehow I booked a flight from Melbourne to Bangkok on that date! I had a lapse of memory and booked with an odd feeling when I looked at the date. From time to time, I made a judgement like this and it's so embarrassing. Boyfriend D still makes a joke about this :D

Lovely deliciousness

Boyfriend D and I have been together just over one year. Last year, I was on a university placement, drove to Sydney and didn't have the chance to spend Valentine's Day with him. Once I got back, I gave him a belated Valentine: a red rose and a box of macarons. Generally, Boyfriend D eats too quickly and devours everything within seconds. He treasured the macarons too much and ate them too slowly that I was concerned they might be spoiled before he finished them.

Things are anti-climatic this year. We are not even not the same continent and there is a 4 hours time different. It makes communication somewhat difficult. There were so many couples acting lovey-dovey everywhere and I wished I could be with Boyfriend D. I texted him a picture below and saying that I miss cuddling him.

Cuddle me please~

How was your Valentine's Day?

I did it! I am a vet!

The past week has been excruciating. I just finished all my exams and found out on Friday night that I passed everything. This is so unreal and I still feel like I am dreaming. I am a vet at las :)

Hmm,, now what?

Honest vet....

I am currently doing an elective in clinical pathology, analysing samples of blood fluid. During one of the practical sessions, my professor showed us this video. Have a look and tell me what you think.

What's next?

Five more exams in two weeks and it is all done. After all these years of study, I will be walking in a graduation ceremony gown as a veterinarian on 8th December.

Hoping for the best

I just submitted my application for residency in veterinary anatomical pathology. I applied to more places than I listed in the previous post. Even though I never the desire to go to the US, training in veterinary pathologist is considered the best there. I am having my fingers crossed and hope to hear a good news in December.

My future is uncertain. I am not sure if I will be moving to the US or staying in Australia. A part of me wants to stay in Melbourne a bit longer while another wants to further my career and become a pathologist as soon as possible.

Beyond tired

When is my holiday?

I have not forgotten nor abandoned the blog. But my life has been busy, and I have been sleep deprived way too much. I am behind for studies and assignments, and just basically manage to survive day by day at the moment. This year has been pushing my limit to the extent that I just had another burn out, which makes it four times this year. It is very exhausting, and I have never been able to rest and recharge properly. I'm looking forward to finishing my studies, and have a good decent holiday. And hopefully, I would be able to blog more during that time.

Externship, Relationship and Residency

I really enjoyed my externship at the University of Glasgow. The pathology department was quite chill out, and my supervisor was great. I had learnt heaps, and applied my knowledge into diagnostic aspect of veterinary medicine. I had read several histopathology slides, describing the tissue change and providing diagnosis. My supervisor was happy with my performance, and she believed that I am at the level of late first year resident - My head just blew up like a balloon that day, yays. Then I was given real cases that I needed to write a report back to clinicians. I was thrilled, and I got them right, yip yip!

I had discussed the residency program in veterinary anatomical pathology and training for the board certification with my superviser. We had a long talk, and I decided that it wouldn't hurt to apply for this year (If I get in, I would start as a resident next July). I had shortlisted the residency program according to their training quality and location. Well, I would be spending three years of my life (or six years if I'm doing a combined PhD-residency program) at one of these if I get in:

The Royal Veterinary College, London, UK
University of Guelph, Ontario, Canada
Cornell University, New York, USA
UCDavis, California, USA

This meant I would need to move to another country once I am accepted in. It is unfortunate that the training system in Australia has not been very well established. All of my lecturers and professors in pathology had recommended me to train in either USA or UK. Funnily enough, one of them said "Just do it while you are young and have no attachment. When you are single, there aren't many things to worry about". It seemed like that is not the case for me anymore.

A path to walk

This brought in another issue about moving, which I would need to properly discuss with Boyfriend D once I get back to Melbourne. I had sent a long email to Boyfriend D, explaining the whole situation. Early on in our relationship, I told him that after a few years of practising as a veterinarian, I would be moving to another country for a residency program. The plan had changed, and that might happen a lot earlier than we expected.

Boyfriend D felt unsure about everything. He seemed unease, but understood that it's my dream to become a veterinary pathologist. He said that he would be mad if I don't aim for the best, and pursue my dream.

Even though I might not get it, I had thought of several case scenarios. I had had a few long walk to think through and consider all the options. The issue was rather tricky, and I realised that this may soon become our first relationship crisis, if we don't think through and communicate properly.

I had been mentally exhausted, and felt a bit down recently. At times like this, I just wanted to hold Boyfriend D tight, and tell him how much I love him. Now I understand how agonising it is to decide between your career and family. This would be one of the crucial forked paths of my life.

Glasgow, Scotland

I have just started to get my head around the Scottish accent. No offence, but people talk funny here, and it requires extra concentration for me to understand. The externship so far has been great, and I managed to do some tourist things on a weekend break.

I got have an office (to share) and my own microscope.

Ahhh.. You will make part of a great breakfast

I don't understand why this is called dumpling. 

Brewery!

Fish & Chips with a pint pre-brewery tour

Beer tasting post-brewery tour

Statue of the Duke of Wellington in front of Gallery of Modern Art, lol

Quite a contrast!

Bagpipes and kilts :)

Glasgow Cathedral

The interior

Haggis, neeps and tatties with Guinness

Travelling time

Meeting the family sort of went well. I introduced Boyfriend D just as a good friend. My mum's cooking was nice and homey, but bit too hot for Boyfriend D, A, and including myself! It was a delicious agony as we coped with the spiciness. I think I must have lost the ability to eat spicy food. Then my mum was concerned that Boyfriend D did not eat very much. Hmmm, she was very observant. And before half way through the wine tasting, my mum and sister got bored so they left earlier, lol. I'm glad that Boyfriend D met my mum and sister even though they didn't talk much. This will be a reference when I came out to my family. I have just driven them to the airport and now I'm getting a bit homesick - I can't believe it.

As the topic suggests, it is really a travelling time. Boyfriend D has gone back to New Zealand for a week. He is not out yet, so our contact at the moment is kept minimal. We are just being super cautious, as he is staying with parents and doesn't want his family to get suspicious.

Glasgow summer is colder than Melbourne winter. How do these guys cope with the breeze?

Before Boyfriend D gets back to Melbourne, I'm leaving for an externship in veterinary anatomical pathology at the University of Glasgow, Scotland for a month. It will be my first time travelling to Europe. I'm feeling both excited and nervous, as I'm setting a step closer to my dream. Also I have a thing for guys wearing kilts, haha. It would be nice to try them on and immerse myself into the Scottish culture, and try everything. No offense to everyone, but I have been warned that they speak funny there. Hopefully, I will be able to make sense of the Scottish accent. Boyfriend D also has both Irish and Scottish family background, though he only speaks English with a Kiwi accent. I just know that different tartan patterns relate different clans or family groups, though tourists often just pick the pattern they like. I will need to find the pattern that relates to Boyfriend D's family then. Anyone have any suggestion of the things to do and must-do's in Scotland? So far I have got: eating Haggis, getting a photo of myself mooning in kilts, hiking, visiting Loch Lomond, Scottish folk dancing (one of the vets at uni told me),  and learning Scottish slangs.

Doggie's support

Woof woof!

This photo just leaves me smiling.

Wine tasting and meet the family impromptu

My mum and sister are visiting Melbourne soon, and they will be staying with me for a few weeks. My mum is quite a foodie, and she can be a little snobby when it comes to food sometimes. I will be taking them both around Melbourne for gourmet food. It turns out there is a French wine tasting at the wine bar, close to my place. It's free, so we are not missing that for sure.

It will be rather a special night for sure.

At first, I was planning to go with Boyfriend D, but I can't leave my family behind. So I managed to get all of us going to the wine tasting. I have also invited my close friend A since he also enjoys wine. The whole thing would be less like meet-the-family. This would make things less awkward for Boyfriend D, and they both have met when we went out for dinner and drinks. I am somewhat nervous as well, and having A there would help me out. As I'm not out to my family yet, I am a bit scared of slipping out or getting a bit too intimate with Boyfriend D. It is not the right time yet, and I have planned to tell my family after graduation in December this year.

On the bright side, my mum has also decided to cook us dinner that night. She is very accommodating when it comes to my friends, and she loves cooking extra food so I can bring some to share. So we will have a Thai home cooking before we head off for the fine wine. We all enjoy good wine, but we are no wine snobs. Hopefully, we will be able to appreciate what we are drinking. Now I also wonder how much more accommodating my mum would be to D once she realises that D isn't just a friend :)

A date with Boyfriend D

Boyfriend D and I went out to see The Avengers 3D. It is one of the films I highly anticipate for this year. In the cinema, I put my coat in the middle between our seat, so that I could sneakily hold Boyfriend's D hand. Unfortunately, he wasn't very keen since we were sitting right in the middle, and the cinema was packed full with people. In term of coming out, he is still in the closet, so he doesn't feel at ease with public display of affection, as I am yet. Anyway, the film was great, and we were kept was on the edge of our seat.

Jeremy Renner and Chris Evans - quality eye candy x2

After that, we went searching for a place to munch for dinner. Boyfriend D has not had much experience with Asian food, especially Thai food. So we decided to check out Chin Chin, only to find out that we would have to wait an hour for a table. With our soon-to-rumble stomach, we changed our plan and headed to Ajisen Ramen. It was nice to have hot ramen on a cold Melbournian night.

Then we took a tram back to my place. When we got inside, the first thing he did was turned on the heater, and made himself comfy in my bed. It is interesting how we both handle cold weather differently. He hates the cold despite being a Kiwi, while I love it despite growing up in Thailand. I stay warm and get hot easily, and don't seem to handle the heat well nowadays. So it was left to me to cuddle and warm him up, before we made our way to a wine bar as we initially intended. The Valley Cellardoor is just a stroll away from my place. I got a glass of Pinot Noir and Boyfriend D got a glass of Cabernet Sauvignon. Two grown men intimately sitting close to each other, drinking wine - it doesn't get more gay, does it? We relaxed and enjoyed our wine, and talked a fair bit (or more correctly, I talked).

It was a lovely night overall. Perhaps, we can go for a chick flick next time. Then I would have a better chance of getting slightly lovey-dovey, haha.

Busy busy busy!

It has been more than a month since I made a post. My life as a final year vet student has been keeping me busy with rotations and assignments. So far, I have been in general practice, diagnostic imaging ie. radiology, ultrasonography (ultrasound), pathology, anaesthesiology, food production animal (cattle, alpacas and sheep medicine), small animal medicine, critical care and emergency, equine medicine...and the list goes on.

I have been surviving through on a weekly basis and feel slightly sleep-deprived. This year has been very intellectually challenging and the learning curve is steep. As of May, I only have around 7 months before I graduate. To be honest, I don't feel quite ready yet. Hopefully, I will gain more confidence and skills then become a lot more competent before December.

Apart from studying, I have been travelling from placement to placement. I have also managed to get an externship in veterinary pathology in Scotland. I have always been dreaming to travel to UK. This means I will have a month to enjoy the Scottish culture and try the local delicacy - kilt and haggis!

That is a pure Scottish Terrier there (or Irish, perhaps?)

Just a quick update on Boyfriend D. Everything has been going well. Now that I'm used to cuddle him in bed, it feels weird when I'm sleeping by myself. I should get a bolster when I'm going away, perhaps?