There has recently been quite a lot of public and media attention regarding school bullies. I recall the experience of my high school years.
As mentioned in the previous post, I did my high school in Australia. The school was located in the rural Victoria though it wasn't that far from Melbourne. At that time, I wasn't out to myself even a tiny bit but knew very well that I'm different.
I had been bullied a few times in another school previously and was able to stand up for myself at the end. But, it took a while for me to build my confidence up and work up to the level. The whole thing really made me try hard to change and get into the jock group. So, I made sure that happened once I setttled down in the new school. Apart from compartmentalising my life, I balanced my study and social life. Wearing contact lens, waxing/gelling my hair, doing more sports, practising kick-boxing, getting involved in fights, breaking school rules while excelling in studies - being well rounded, I guess. Still, I was impervious to my sexuality to the extent that derogatory comments about gay didn't even register into my brain - totally dissociated and beyond.
On several occasions at school, I had witnessed bullies in and out of the classrooms. The usaual name callings and derogatory remarks like " faggot" and "poof" were heard on a weekly basis. I remembered thinking "Oh no, that poor guy is getting mashed again", and the poor guy would sometimes right into my eyes, knowing that I am a student representive council and could do something to stop it. However, I didn't do anything and just left the scene. Had I told my school mates to stop, they would listen and left the guy alone. Teachers would sometimes witnessed the incidents, then rush in and stop the bullies. Damage dealt, though.
Guilt is what one feels when one believes that something could have been done to make a difference. Isn't a superior supposed to protect his/her subordinates? Certainly, I could have somewhat extend my aegis and done better than just ignoring those incidents.
We do get our share of homophobic bullying as well. Even myself, though I learned how to handle it. Gosh, I could be helluva bitchy back then! But as I grow older, I do realize that the best revenge is really to live well :)
ReplyDeleteBTW I'm half-Thai too haha.
Yeah, I agree that living well is the best revenge now that I'm wiser, though still remember the resenment I used to feel. It's refreshing that we learn from experiences, and become a better person.
ReplyDeleteThe fact that you're half-Thai is interesting, indeed. What a coincidence! Sawadee-krub. From the look of your picture, that makes you half-Thai and half-Chinese Malaysian?
I have to admit that Thai conservation is rusty. It's funny how people tell me that I speak Thai fluently in general, but the way I construct sentences is hopeless.