Self challenges

It is one of my good habits that I would try something new to challenge myself every year. This year challenges include hot yoga and couchsurfing. My mom has always been into yoga and she taught me and my sister to do it as well. At first, we both were rather skeptical. Glaring at her doing those yoga postures, I couldn't help wondering if it would be physically engaging at all. What a wimp and girly exercise. It turned out my sister and I were quite wrong, and we really enjoyed it. My shoulder pain from sitting down in front of a computer went away gradually after I started practising yoga. Then I stepped it up and tried hot yoga. It was both physically and mentally challenging that I almost fainted in my first class. Certainly, I have come a long way from that and it does really helps getting my body toned for the upcoming Australian summer!

Stretch and keep smiling (and sweating) :)

Let's surf

Recently, I had a road trip to Canberra en route to Sydney. The initial plan was that I would be staying with my old high school mate but it turned out that he couldn't host me. Couchsurfing suddenly came to my mind since I didn't want to stay in a hotel and would like a local to point me around. After searching on a couchsurfing web, there was a interesting profile of a female student and she had a number of good references from people who stayed at hers. We met in front of her place which was house shared between five other people, including her boyfriend and a cat. It was a great experience meeting new people in a total unfamiliar environment. I ended up staying with her again on my way back to Melbourne. We had great conversations over drinks about her sexuality, namely intersex, her open relationship with her current boyfriend, me being gay and how her friend's gaydar detected me etc. Sometimes, good friendships are built over some alcohol and pots. C'est la vie!

How one should live one's live?

I stumbled across this picture ages ago (and I can't recall where I found it). At that time, I was struggling through my veterinary course and I was quite lost. The message on the picture gave me courage and I would probably need that courage again when I start a job hunt. I have been travelling around and been really busy. Hopefully once I get a job and settle in, I will have more time to post regularly.

Yes, I have done the travel often part. I think I need to stop over analysing.

I'm not the only gay person in my family?!?

Nowadays, our mobile phone holds so much information about ourselves. Just checking the photo albums - they will speak thousands words about who we are and what we do. There are some rather private photos that would even provide too much information. Apart from that glancing through the search history provides clues of our personal interests. I can still be a tad more careful about these sort of information on my phone but sometimes it is a bother trying to cover all the traces. However, the thought of confidential stuff slipping through scares me. That is why I take precautions when passing my iPhone to anyone whether sharing a photo of food I devoured or a photo of a hot guy cuddling a kitten in bed though I am generally less concerned with my friends who know that I'm gay.

In Asia, talking about sex is a taboo so let alone talking to sexuality and being gay. Fortunately, it is becoming a lot more accepting in Thailand (after all, Thailand is considered a paradise for gay). People can be quite oblivious about this too so they never notice anything and my mum snuggles this group. The concepts of family structure between Western and Eastern cultures differ in a interesting way. Asians tend to be very family oriented  and usually include extended family members as our family too i.e. aunt, uncle, cousin etc. Recently I had just a little family lunch out - there were my mum, little cousin, uncle A (my mum's brother), uncle's friend P and me. A few pieces of fact about my uncle A and P - A has known P for more than 20 years and they met while working in a bank. So P is pretty much seen as part of the family and everyone in my family adores him. 

I hate stereotypes but they exist to categorise people and they work well at times. It is bad to generalise based on stereotypes but I often use them as a frame work of mind to build more information upon. I can say that A and P fit too many gay stereotypes. A and P have shared many important moments of life and spend a lot of time together. They bought an apartment next to each other and bought a house together. They are still single. Their sense of fashion, design, sensibility, manner, attitude towards life, open mindedness, wealth and love to travel surpass that of the straights.

What do the searches say about me?

I had always suspected A and P for ages but never really have a proof to confirm. Until on our way back to Bangkok after a delightful lunch, I was trying to search a famous kitchen showroom but I don't have internet on my phone. P was driving and told me that I could use his phone. However, I noticed a brief moment of hesitation before he passed his phone to me. It was that moment I realise there must be something private in his phone that he didn't want me to see. I was determined not to peek into his privacy so I just tapped into Safari and started keying on the search engine. Then the search history fanned out and there was a search phrase that caught my eyes "japan gay porn". That phrase only raises a lot of probabilities and questions. Now it is time to ponder - what is the chance of someone else using P's phone? It is extremely unlikely since P rarely lets anyone use his phone. Who else know the password to access P's phone? My uncle A and he often plays games on P's phone! What can I conclude? The person who typed the search phrase is probably either A or P. Even though what I found is not a concrete piece of evidence, it is the missing piece of jigsaw and everything makes sense.

Now should I tell them about my sexuality? Not yet, there is a few things I need to do before that but I talk to them before telling my mum. Another heart warming piece of fact is that my mum is quite close to my uncle A and is very fond of P.

Externship, Relationship and Residency

I really enjoyed my externship at the University of Glasgow. The pathology department was quite chill out, and my supervisor was great. I had learnt heaps, and applied my knowledge into diagnostic aspect of veterinary medicine. I had read several histopathology slides, describing the tissue change and providing diagnosis. My supervisor was happy with my performance, and she believed that I am at the level of late first year resident - My head just blew up like a balloon that day, yays. Then I was given real cases that I needed to write a report back to clinicians. I was thrilled, and I got them right, yip yip!

I had discussed the residency program in veterinary anatomical pathology and training for the board certification with my superviser. We had a long talk, and I decided that it wouldn't hurt to apply for this year (If I get in, I would start as a resident next July). I had shortlisted the residency program according to their training quality and location. Well, I would be spending three years of my life (or six years if I'm doing a combined PhD-residency program) at one of these if I get in:

The Royal Veterinary College, London, UK
University of Guelph, Ontario, Canada
Cornell University, New York, USA
UCDavis, California, USA

This meant I would need to move to another country once I am accepted in. It is unfortunate that the training system in Australia has not been very well established. All of my lecturers and professors in pathology had recommended me to train in either USA or UK. Funnily enough, one of them said "Just do it while you are young and have no attachment. When you are single, there aren't many things to worry about". It seemed like that is not the case for me anymore.

A path to walk

This brought in another issue about moving, which I would need to properly discuss with Boyfriend D once I get back to Melbourne. I had sent a long email to Boyfriend D, explaining the whole situation. Early on in our relationship, I told him that after a few years of practising as a veterinarian, I would be moving to another country for a residency program. The plan had changed, and that might happen a lot earlier than we expected.

Boyfriend D felt unsure about everything. He seemed unease, but understood that it's my dream to become a veterinary pathologist. He said that he would be mad if I don't aim for the best, and pursue my dream.

Even though I might not get it, I had thought of several case scenarios. I had had a few long walk to think through and consider all the options. The issue was rather tricky, and I realised that this may soon become our first relationship crisis, if we don't think through and communicate properly.

I had been mentally exhausted, and felt a bit down recently. At times like this, I just wanted to hold Boyfriend D tight, and tell him how much I love him. Now I understand how agonising it is to decide between your career and family. This would be one of the crucial forked paths of my life.

Life, study milestone and Turtle

It felt like only yesterday when I received an offer letter from the vet school. Oh, how much time has passed. Passing through the first year as a naive science student, then having a little family dramatic turmoil which was related to parental disapproval of studying to be a vet. It led to a gap year away from uni, and spending solid quality time at home with parents.

After all these years of studying abroad, and only getting to see them once or twice a year for a short period, my parents were like strangers to me. It took me by surprise when I actually realised this fact. Perhaps, the feeling is not dissimilar catching up with your lost long close friends. Something remain nostalgically the same, but some change with time. Now I'm getting really for some quality time at home with family, and maybe coming out to them is about due at the end of this year after graduation.

Finally, I have reached the promised year of lecture-free. Relaxing as it may sound, it has turned out to be rather mentally and physically draining in a different way compared to attending 8 lectures in a day. We have been rotating through different aspects of veterinary medicine each week - general practice, small animal medicine, anaesthesia, small animal, diagnostic imaging ie. radiology, pathology woot!, production animal ie. sheep, cows, alpacas, critical care and emergency medicine, and public health, etc. Also not to mentioned self-organised extramural placements in veterinary practices, and a 6500 words literature review to be submitted for journal publication. Sometimes, life can be uncertain, but I'm pretty sure that I will be having a holiday-free year, Gahhhh. Many of us have adopted to survive on a weekly basis due to information overload, the steep learning curve and sleep deprivation.

Clinical-wise, I have done bits of everything including castrations, spaying, and seen lots of blood and gore. That's alright til I went for dairy farm visits on a stormy Melbournian weather. We did pregnancy testing on 80 cows ie. shoving one whole arm up the cow's rectum. The weather was being unfriendly, and we were soaked as well as got pooed on our face, because some cows decided to shoot some organic projectile to us. Large animal vet - Nah, I'm sure it's not my thing.

Not the one I saw, but similar clinical presentation

My highlight as a veterinary pathologist wannabe was figuring how to humanely euthanise a run-over turtle. After consulting a book on exotic pet medicine and website (have a look for pictures and more detail if you're curious), I proceeded through the steps. It was rather brutal visually, but at least pain was minimal. Then I took every opportunity to learn from the dead, therefore a post-mortem examination was performed, and it was the right decision to euthanise the turtle since its pelvis was broken in pieces, in addition to cracks and fistulas (holes) in its carapace, which exposed the organs to the environment. It's similar to having holes in the tummy, and the intestines poke out to say a greeting. The turtle was beyond the stage that it could be saved.

Another way to swiftly kill an turtle is blunt trauma to the head, especially if it is found in the middle of no where and can't be transported to a vet - find a big boulder (bigger than the turtle's head obviously) and smash the head forcefully. This is even more barbaric to see, but it is more humane than leaving the turtle to dry off and die in heat. The method was recommended by a wildlife research fellow.

Anyway, it is quite scary that I am going to be a vet in roughly 8 months! Where has my time gone?

Food and my coming out

One thing I really enjoy is cooking. What could be better than putting classical music on and humming around in the kitchen, while making some yummy munchies, especially on a lazy Sunday. I can't appear more like a domesticated househusband with an apron and cake whisk, lol.

Jamie mentioned on one of his shows about how good food brings people together. It is about sharing the love and joy. I couldn't agree more when I heard him. Watch his show sometimes reminds of my first ever coming out. The drama unfolded on one Friday night when we had a vet student BBQ chill-out. We were drinking and enjoying the night. Then two of my female friends pried me away from the crowd, then they blurbed out an unexpected question.

One bite of the ice cream would have prepared me better :D

Friend B: Anyway, we have something to ask you.....
Friend A: Are you gay?

I was caught off guard, and mumbled awkwardly while they were eager for an answer.

Me: Mmmm...Ummm... I... I'm not sure, but think I'm bi.
Friend A: Aha! That makes a lot of sense now.
Friend B: Right, I knew it. That explains all why you're so good at cooking and fashion.
Friend A: Also you are like our talkable version of Melbourne food guide book. Hey, that means you can let your gay side go wild, and cook more. I'm expecting more good food from you from now on, and more cocktail parties at yours.
Friend A & B: We are getting you drunk tonight!
Me: Oh, right, ok...

Their responses left me speechless. It went too well. I guess if they don't accept my sexuality, they won't get to taste my cooking anymore, haha. Anyway, they then proceeded to drown me with alchohol, and I had no recollection of how I got home the next morning. Later on, I told them that I'm definitely gay once I have gained more confidence.

Green, the (2011) and Morals

Over the months, I have downloaded a fair amount of films, and I finally have time to watch them all. So the first to go on the hit list is Green, the (2011). Despite an average review, I really like it, since I can relate to some of the characters in the film. Apart from the obvious GLBT theme, there is a subtle moral massage that I picked up.


*Spoiler warning*

It's about litigation and motive behind it. Sometimes, I really think that it's pretty dogs eat dogs in the cruel world, sometimes not. A character in the film saw an opportunity to sue the protagonist despite the lack of evidence, due to the exploitable nature of the protagonist. In the end, I have to say the protagonist is too naive, and even dropped the legal counter-attack, despite his reputation being ruined. For me, it would be an eye for an eye (to be exact ten eyes back, haha). By the way, the protagonist's partner is hunky, and seems to be a cook. A hunky cook - what more can one ask?

I love it when men show intimacy

When I entered vet school, I first thought money is not an issue for me. Guess what, I have become more financial-oriented after all. Greed, one of the seven deadly sins, huh? I wouldn't be surprised if I end up in hell considering this sin alone, but I don't think I believe in heaven and hell, haha. Anyway, money often does the wonder in general, even for veterinary practices. I vaguely recollect a saying of "The rich does no wrong". In the service industry, you could say no money, no service, yah? Same is for vet med, and to be exact you could say no money, a jab of lethabarb then.

Imaging a poor old but really nice lady came in with a sick dog in need of a surgical emergency intervention, for an example, GDV ie. Gastric dilation volvulus (stomach enlargement and torsion). Without a prompt and appropriate intervention, it's gonna be one hell of agonising death. Veterinarians are obliged by our Oath and law to intervene animal suffering, but we also need gain our feet in the world of business. It's a bit like what my American mates told me how people are left to dead if they don't have health insurance or money to pay for treatment. Jobs in medical field are tricky, as we are speaking about life of our patient. 

I'm quite glad that I decided to study vet rather than med. My religious belief is indeed twisted, and I  have to admit that part of me is somewhat amoral, though I adhere strongly to professional ethics (I guess my religious belief and moral stance deserves a proper post sometime later). So sometimes, it's basically "No money? Ok, let's not the patient pointlessly suffer any further. It's lethabarb time!" in my head, despite my dispassionate temperament, I say that in a much more considerate and compassionate tone to clients. Well…vet consult is a service-based business, isn't it? People are paying for a good service, so my Dexter mask is well paid after all.

A considerable number of vets are anthropologist though, in comparison to our medico counterparts according to my med friends. There is a lot of shelter medicine veterinarians out there. They are really quite something, working with abandoned animals. It isn't much cashflow in field, and the pay is depressingly minimal. However, many shelter vets are fulfilled with their job, and happy with what they got. These guys are the saints and angels of our profession, indeed. I respect their skill of making the best out of limited resources, and utilise everything that they have. 

Back on the topic of litigation, there is a well-known Australian eye specialist, who actually taught us. A while ago, he warned his GP colleague not to perform a certain eye procedure. Despite the warning, the surgical procedure was performed, and inadvertently the optic nerve was damaged, then the patient came out of the surgery blind. The owner sued the vet, and also the specialist for lack thereof due diligence, because the owner believed that it's also the specialist's fault. What a pestering call! Guess what, specialists being specialists, they are generally on the more wealthy end of the profession (not to mention he owns a well established practice). In addition to that, he loves flying a plane, so his customised comprehensive insurance is quite something. I have to say he struck back pretty hard: hiring the best available barrister in the country was easy with the insurance money. Funningly enough, his barrister was on a totally different plane of level to that of the owner's, and the barrister managed to take over the negotiation and legal proceeding. The winner was clear, and the barrister managed to talk the other party into believing that the specialist was so angelically kind that they didn't take the matter further, and sue the owner back, lol. 

Morals learnt; dogs eat dogs, but beware of getting eaten back; know thy enemy before thou strike, know not, thy head shall be rolling; insurance may save my ass. After all, we don't live in an ideal world, and nothing is free. There is a lot of funny people out there that are monetarily motivated.

Cold hard truth

All I am thinking lately has been about exams, so I should not be bragging about it except the fact that I am half way there. E (my lab partner) and I decided to go out for some munchies, after having sat an exam. We trotted around the city of Melbourne indecisively, before leisurely settled down at Journal Canteen (one of the places I used to study for exams). Our topics of conservation again revolved around life and other deep-thought issues. At one point, we talked about the nature of the truth.

One of the pathologists (we both respect) apparently made her neighbour cry, after telling the truth about the fate of the little bird her neighbour brought in. As many of us have progressed through veterinary studies, we have touched on the topic of wildlife, and learnt that a small baby bird abandoned by its parents generally doesn't stand much chance in this cruel wild world. The poor subject often either starves to death once it is abandoned, or gets picked up by kind-hearted people, then gets dropped off at a vet clinic/animal shelter. 

Truth calling?

Well...what happens behind the clinic door/shelter is then unknownst to the general public. The bird is often given a highly-overdosed shot of sodium pentobarbital either by intravenous (into a vein) or intraperitoneal (into the abdomen), for the purpose of euthanasia on humane ground. For many in the veterinary profession, the action is adequately and reasonably justified, as the bird is very likely to die, unless it is close the fledgling stage, or able to fend for itself. This would prevent pointless suffering. Another aspect is that if the animal is non-native, which means it may post threats to the local species, it is by law that the animal must be destroyed.

So the poor neighbour was given the synopsis, and she did not take it well. It might have been courteous to withdraw the truth, and only provide part of it. But upon retrospection, I would certainly have trouble putting an acting mask on for the purpose of deception, so I could understand why the pathologist decided to do as such.

E and I agreed that that the truth should be provided if possible, and only if the recipient seems capable of taking it. However, this is because we have become dispassionate while dealing with issues like this. I have heard of parents telling their kid that the family dog is going to a farm, and will never come back. Then the kid goes heartbroken, and asks if the dog will miss him/her.

Certainly, there is a moral dilemma. Is it worth to tell the truth to people, even though it may hurt them even more?

My Christmas and New Year 2011

A tad of procrastination wouldn't hurt, since my brain is totally fried up, and needs some time to cool down. After having made a list of what to do in December, I realised that I would have a really busy month. At first, I thought I would have a quiet relaxed December for once, but this was proven wrong, as there are so many things lined up for me to do. These include a meeting with the Dean and teaching staff for academic issues (not mine, but the whole year level in general: I will need to prepare some docs, and deal with some politics - I had dealt a lot with, but not my cup of tea), getting a flight to Japan and meet my family there for a trip, moving house (to inner Melbourne suburb) , taking a temporary post as an assistant veterinary anatomical pathologist between Christmas and New Year (This seems extremely workaholic, but I don't see doing pathology stuff as work, because I enjoy it :D), organising a placement at DPI Attwood, staying outdoor and do some surfing for a week, getting some massage, having a quiet day to retrospect and reflect on oneself etc.

Obviously, I won't have much time to chill out, and this makes me realise that this year I have gradually shifted from my introvert Type B ego to Type A personality slightly. So I really need to learn to prioritise things properly: all vetties seem to have an imbalance study and social life. My personal life has been compromised, since entering the vet school, but I have been getting better than doing the balancing act.

OMG! Are they all for me?

Some of my Canuck mates are staying over the summer, since our uni will be starting on Monday 2nd January 2012. Lovely, isn't it? We have decided to patronise one of our favourite contemporary pub-restaurants, which is along Yarra River for the New Year Eve.  This will be a perfect cooling spot for the Australian summer, as we all will feel like constantly being in an medium-heat oven. There are bound to be lots of vetties pranks and inappropriate shenanigans, though I won't be overly drunk but will stay high throughout the night for sure.

Since I will be most likely be spending Christmas Day at uni, doing some yucky work and the faculty can get really quiet, I downloaded the new Michael Buble Christmas Album 2011. I will be singing his songs, while making a Christmas pudding for the first time, then singing and sharing the pudding with pathologists on duty, before heading to the PM room, butchering ex-animals to bits and pieces.

So what is your plan this December? And anyone have advice on balancing life?

Homosexual rams

Today is Melbourne Cup Day, and it is a public holiday for Melbournians to gamble - to be exact it was yesterday by the time I finish this post. Even though  I'm stuck in the vet library, I had a gambling draw with the vetties. My horse was Modun, and she/he seemed to do ok, since I got $5 from the draw somehow :)

With 6 exams lining up, for me to study (cram) through. Unfortunately, that won't leave much time for me to blog. I have decided to settle down in one of the private cubes in the vet libraly, as my second home for now until the end of this month. The cubes are very old, and look pretty much like a prison cell. What a perfect place to confine myself! Many of my mates now know that I have entered the alternative world, and won't be in contact for a while (also the phone reception in my cube is pretty poor).

Brucella ovis is trasmitted between rams by anal sex, lol

There are severeal subjects that I need to go through. One of them being Small ruminants, in which I have to study about reproductive diseases in rams. In one lecture, we were told how groups of rams have their boy parties in a paddock, and engage in homosexual behaviours. Who say gay is un-natural, huh? I vaguely recall someone saying "In order to reduce the degree of orgies in rams, they are separated into smaller group, usually 3 to 4 per group. Then we can just let them go wild within their group, without having to worry about the disease spreading everywhere".

So I will now disappear into another dimension for a little while. Until then, take care.

Added 02/11/11
I just found out today that Modun actually came last, so I got a price for being the slowest horse in the race, lol. Not sure if I can say it's lucky/unlucky.

Colleague and criticism

Over one lunchtime, me and two of my clinical lab groupmates, E and Z, had an interesting albeit short conservation about criticism. As we know that we all will be working together, and seeing each other almost 24/7 next year. We will really get to know each other through and through, and it will be similar to having intensive orgies relationships with an expiry date as of Dec 2012. There are bound to be some degree of interpersonal conflicts, if we don't communicate properly. Our group consisted of six people, equal number of guys and girls, but only one straight guy, lol. L is my lab partner, and we often have cafe hunts together. She is also my philosophy conversee. Z is the poor straight guy, who frequently answers a lot of my questions regarding treatment. Before I digress any further, how can we provide criticisms due to good intentions, without upsetting someone?

Halitosis (bad breath)

Me: Let's start with bad breath. If you start talking to someone and notice the smell, how would you deal with it?
E: Hmm.. that's hard. But if I know that person well enough, I would tell that person outright though not out loud. Otherwise, I will hand out some chewy or mints.
Z: What if you don't have any of those with you? What if that person is a lecturer/teaching clinician, whom we will be spending a lot of time with?
Me: I guess for that case the prognosis is hopeless. Well... better start training holding your breath then?
E: Oh.... for your information, please let me know if I have a bad breath. I don't wanna be talking to clients while they try not to breath. Hey... GVP, you're quite lucky then. Don't you get use to all the bad smell, since you spend so much time in the PM room?
Me: You're right. So far I can even put my face near rotten horse guts, and it seems that I have instinctively learnt to shut off my nose, but I can still smell farts and bad breaths somehow. Another thing, this year I have morped into a little grumpy beeping bomb. I know that I swear too much, but I can't help for now.
Z: That's alright. We are quite stressed right now, so everyone swears and used to it. Remember the surgery lectures, how many times did we hear vagina, penis, testes?
E: There were so many vaginas, penises and testes. That was more than enough.
Me: One thing that we won't have enough of next year rotations will be sleep. I will definitely get moody, and swear a tad more than usually. So tell me to f!@# off and get some coffee, if I'm acting like a dick.
Z: Only if you promise, you won't treat me as your PM customer after I tell you so.

In the end, we also talked about dandruff, dress code, low jeans exposing ass crack, etc.  We all agree that we prefer honesty, and don't mind being told off if there is something odd. Feeling upset is inevitable at first, but as long as there is a good motive behind, everything will be alright. One point that we took, before rushing to our prac class was that all of us are not perfect, but at the very least we strive to improve. Being optimistic as I am, I often think that if someone criticise me, it's only because they care about me. What is your approach to this?

After exam resolutions

Shhhh... a customer coming.

I have been working my ass off this year, and my brain may has become macerated with all the studies cram in. Since February we have been doing your-ass-rooted-to-the-seat 9AM-5PM lecture-day 3 three times a week, and cram-it-in-your-head 10AM-5PM practical day about 2 times a week. What a hideous routine, only to halt momentarily due to a month winter break between semesters. Oh, dear I'm mentally exhausted, but the light at the end of a long abysmally dark tunnel is shining through. There are several things that I look forwards and resolute to do when this nightmarish journey is over.

- Go camping for 5 days and complete the latter half of 104km Great Ocean Hike with other vet kids
- Go surfing and enjoy the sun for a week
- Try a hand cooking quails, perfect crispy skin pork, lobsters and making macarons - black seasame and passionfruit
- Leisurely read Pathologic Basis of Veterinary Disease, The Beginner's Guide to Winning the Nobel Prize: Advice for Young Scientists by Prof Doherty whom I have seen in real life, and those long overdue books which are supposed to be read by all veterinarians, written by James Herriot
- Watch movies and go to art galleries
- Bike around the city and hunt down decent caffeine outlets
- Pamper at Daylesford
- Last but not least, enjoy mind wondering, have epistemological moments, and do more blogging

Without having anything to look forward to, I would have gone nutbag and adopted Dexter's hobbies as ways of coping. I can't wait any longer for this summer break, rejuvenate and get ready for a lecture-free clinical year starting early January next year.

Personality test

I don't think I ever mention here that GB's blog is actually the aspiration for this blog, and I have been reading his blog for ages. There is a post about a persionaliy test; these sort of tests are quite interesting as it can give another perspective of looking at myself. A few years ago, there was a personal development workshop, and everyone got to take a similar test at uni. The whole point was to raise an awareness that each of us has strengths and weaknesses, we need to work together as a team to bring out all the strengths. Advanced Global Personality Test can assessed here if you want to take it.

My result is as followed:

Extraversion	||||||||||||||	56%
Stability	||||||||||||||||||	76%
Orderliness	||||||||||||||||||	76%
Accommodation	||||	16%
Intellectual	||||||||||||||||	70%
Interdependence	||||||||||||||||||||	90%
Mystical	||||	20%
Materialism	||||||||||||||||	70%
Narcissism	||||||||||	40%
Adventurousness	||||||||||||||||||	80%
Work ethic	||||||||||||||	60%
Conflict seeking	||	10%
Need to dominate	||||||||||||||	60%
Romantic	||||||||||||||	60%
Avoidant	||||	20%
Anti-authority	||||||||||	40%

Wealth	||||||||||||||||||	80%
Dependency	||||||||||	40%
Change averse	||	10%
Cautiousness	||||||||||||||||||||	90%
Individuality	||||||||||||||||	70%
Sexuality	||||||||||||||||||||	90%
Peter pan complex	||	10%
Histrionic	||	10%
Vanity	||||||||||||||	60%
Artistic	||||||||||||||||	70%
Hedonism	||||||||||	40%
Physical fitness	||||||||||||||||||||	90%
Religious	||	10%
Paranoia	||	10%
Hypersensitivity	||||||||||||||||||	76%
Indie	||||||||||||	50%

Stability results were high which suggests you are very relaxed, calm, secure, and optimistic.

Orderliness results were high which suggests you are overly organized, reliable, neat, and hard working at the expense too often of flexibility, efficiency, spontaneity, and fun. 

Extraversion results were moderately high which suggests you are, at times, overly talkative, outgoing, sociable and interacting at the expense of developing your own individual interests and internally based identity. 

Trait snapshot:
clean, organized, regular, self reliant, tough, positive, high self control, very good at saving money, dislikes chaos, resolute, realist, trusting, hard working, dislikes unpredictability, prefers a technical specialized career, not worrying, respects authority, enjoys leadership, finisher, normal, optimistic, controlling, prudent, modest, adventurous, does not like to be alone, intellectual, likes the unknown, very practical, high self esteem, assertive, perfectionist, busy, altruistic

Bold = some traits that are quite true
But there is one more trait to add - like to procrastinate studies towards exams. That's why I'm blogging right now!

Dream = goal with deadline

While I was having my weekend jog this morning, my mind seemed to drift and think about where I stand in my life, where I want to go and what are my current goals. When this happened, I usually just kept jogging until my train of though comes to a conclusion, which in this case took 2 hours of light-pace jogging. I have a habit of putting things boxes since there are often too many things happening in my head all the time. There seems to be three boxes so far, and the number in blanket is the deadline from now.

Intellectual
Pass all of my 13 exams: 7 in a few weeks and 6 at the end of this year
Acquire a residency post and sit a board exam, and proudly call myself a veterinary pathologist (5 years)
Try a hand on teaching and tutoring at uni (5 years)
Publish articles in respected journals and present at international conferences (6 years)
Decide whether to pursue my career in academic, private practice, or government sector etc. (6 years)
Complete a MPhil and PhD (10 years) - possibly they will be something related to tumours, ocular diseases, and/or tissue graft rejection
Have a peek at the Nobel award ceremony (15 years)

Self
Get abs like this (2 months)
Try a hand on rugby (1 year)
Complete an advanced course in scuba diving (2 years)
Compete in a marathon (3 years)
Take a basic cooking course here (5 years)
Take on a spiritual journey and spend time meditate for a month (5 years)
Decide where to settle down and have a family (6 years)
Learn German and French,  and hold a basic conversation (6 years)
Snowboard in Switzerland, Japan, New Zealand, and Canada (15 years)
Travel to Bhutan and Dubai (not set)

Interpersonal
Come out to my family (2 years)
Maintain to stay out in workplace (2 years)
Have fun with a British guy (not set)


Of course, there are several goals that appear quite impossible, but I never know unless I try. For me, it's ok to take a bit of detours, extend the deadline further, and change them. I'm looking forwards to one year from now, reflect back, and review what will be crossed off and what will be added :)

Roles and responsibilities of veterinarians

I'm sitting in my room, drinking a long macchiato, and wondering about what is beyond my to-come graduation and so on. But, there is usually one thing that I usually keep thinking when I have time for my mind drift philosophically: what are my roles and responsibilities as a veterinarian apart from the stuff that set up by the AVMA and AVA?

Hmmm... I can't hear my heart

The answer in response has always been changing through my yet-to-end veterinary training, and it will continue to be so. When I first entered the vet school, it was just simply treating the patients. Be it dogs, cats, horses, cattle, sheep, rats, mice snakes, spiders! etc. Over the years, I have added, tweaked and formulated a long response, which now becomes more like an equation and includes:

1. Consult with clients in regard to their concern with their pet, and provide up-to-date information so that a well informed decision can be made in the best interest of the patient.
2. Utilise the knowledge to approach the problem, on ethical and compassionate grounds.
3. Understand, value and endearvour to cherish the bond between human and animal.
4. Provide sound and well informed opinion to the general public in regard to issues related to the profession, in addition to educate pet owners.
5. Contribute, where possible, to the advancement of scientific knowledge and research, as well as the training of future veterinarians.
6. Participate in continued education and pursue one's interest in veterinary discipline and expertise.

With those said, I strongly view myself as a source of information for clients. However, clients facing with a dilemma frequently turns to veterinarians and ask this particular question that I'm really reluctant to answer in a consult, especially when dealing with a potential euthanasia: What would you do if he/she (the animal) is your pet?

"Damn, she/he is definitely not my pet. I'm not the one paying for the treatment bill. Can't you use your brain and make up your mind?" I say in my head before respond with a blurb I have for this situation in an auto-pilot mode.

"I'm afraid that it's not my responsibility to make a decision about Insert the animal's name. There is no right or wrong choice, so what you believe is the right decision is right, and I'm not here to judge." I say in a matter of fact tone but with sympathy, while looking at the client.

Nowsdays, pets are in general as part of the family in the western society. Many people consider their pet as their child. Therefore, I do not see myself morally and legally proper to be making such decision for someone else under the above circumstance.

Pathology and I

As the blog name has suggested, I have a passion for veterinary pathology and consider pursuing it as a career path.  At the start of the veterinary medical course, we all just thought about becoming a vet. I definitely didn't know about other fields in the profession, so let alone the thought of becoming a veterinary pathologist. The first glimpse I had of pathology is when we have to study paraclinical subjects eg. parasitology, microbiology: bacteriology and virology, and pathology. The whole field is basically working behind the scene, in a laboratory, and dealing with the diagnostic aspect of medical conditions. Paraclinicians work together with clinicians ie veterinarians, who take primary response of a case, but we are the people who pet owners rarely get to see.

I'm still questioning as to how I became so interested and keen, even though I have yet to complete the veterinary course and get exposed to all the clinical training. First of all thoughts, I have pretty much figured out that treating patients and doing surgeries are not my cup of tea. Dealing with what drugs to used is bearable, but the financial aspect while dealing with the clients is buggering. On the other hand, paraclinicians simply perform the tests, which are requested and believed to be of the most diagnostic value by the prinary-care veterinarians, and are paid by the their clients.

Becoming a surgeon is often what one aspires to be, but the so-called aspiration changes after several times of having to stand,  bend over, and do a surgery through a little hold on a patient hole for hours - for which I respect surgeons. Also not to mention, one has to ingrain the aseptic technique (minimising bacterial contamination) and certain "good" surgical habits while doing a surgery (which I have already done so). That aside, there is a specialist surgeon I know, who has a hilarious sense of humours, said at smiling at me "Surgeries are easy - if in doubt just cut. We don't need to think and we leave thinking to pathologists" And he is right; I have a wondering mind while having a cup of tea or coffee.

I am certainly not the type of person who likes dealing with the general public, in contrary to my mates' belief as I was elected several representative positions: student rep council during high school, a student club secretary, social and educational rep of student society etc. They view me as a socialite, and I have to add that they're right to a certain extent, but their view would change once we start talking about clients behind the scene. Dealing with some clients can be very challenging, and I wonder how many times I said "What the f!@#$?!?" or "Shut the f!@#$ up and listen to me" in my head while I was smiling to them - having my mask on there. Often this leaves me feeling empathic towards our human counterpart - dealing with in-compliant patients. In addition, my family business deals with lots of people and I have witnessed too many funny people, perhaps. My mum is also partially responsible for this as I took after her trait of hate dealing with the general public.

Many of you may think that doing necropsies is disgusting and gory, but veterinarians deal with muddles on a daily basis. For example, a small animal veterinarian treating a moribund sick dog with haemorrhagic (bloody) effusions coming from the front and back ends,  and a large animal veterinarian getting farted and bio-organic materials splashed on their face during a rectal (back-end) examination. Veterinary profession isn't glamourous, and it is full of messes, but as a veterinary pathologist, I know when I'm getting dirty and can be prepared for it at the very least - think lab coats, overalls, gloves, gumboots and masks. Apart form an occasional risk of being exposed to nasty pathogens, all else is under my control - yes, I'm a control freak.

Last but not least, the global demand of young bright paraclinicians succeeds the supply as the majority of work force in the industry is greying away and expiring (exactly as said to me by one of veterinary pathologists, whom I adore) and the number just steadily declines. It wouldn't be hard for a paraclinician to find a job in the near future, which is an added bonus for me :)

Bullies and high school experience

There has recently been quite a lot of public and media attention regarding school bullies. I recall the experience of my high school years.

As mentioned in the previous post, I did my high school in Australia. The school was located in the rural Victoria though it wasn't that far from Melbourne. At that time, I wasn't out to myself even a tiny bit but knew very well that I'm different.

I had been bullied a few times in another school previously and was able to stand up for myself at the end. But, it took a while for me to build my confidence up and work up to the level. The whole thing really made me try hard to change and get into the jock group. So, I made sure that happened once I setttled down in the new school. Apart from compartmentalising my life, I balanced my study and social life. Wearing contact lens, waxing/gelling my hair, doing more sports, practising kick-boxing, getting involved in fights, breaking school rules while excelling in studies - being well rounded, I guess. Still, I was impervious to my sexuality to the extent that derogatory comments about gay didn't even register into my brain - totally dissociated and beyond.

On several occasions at school, I had witnessed bullies in and out of the classrooms. The usaual name callings and derogatory remarks like " faggot" and "poof" were heard on a weekly basis. I remembered thinking "Oh no, that poor guy is getting mashed again", and the poor guy would sometimes right into my eyes, knowing that I am a student representive council and could do something to stop it. However, I didn't do anything and just left the scene. Had I told my school mates to stop, they would listen and left the guy alone. Teachers would sometimes witnessed the incidents, then rush in and stop the bullies. Damage dealt, though.

Guilt is what one feels when one believes that something could have been done to make a difference. Isn't a superior supposed to protect his/her subordinates? Certainly, I could have somewhat extend my aegis and done better than just ignoring those incidents.